So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
