She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
