frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize