Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm too high and old for this...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
