He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
