all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Randomize
