We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
