This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just had sex on a roof
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
