Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
