Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
