Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
