You can't special order awesome
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
