checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I will be naked everywhere
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
