It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize