Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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