He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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