i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
