things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize