yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
