Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
