im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
