Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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