i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
