We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
