I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
