My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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