Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
