got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
