So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
