I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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