She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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