dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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