I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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