you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
