she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
