She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
