maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
