sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
