I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
