planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
