My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
