Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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