im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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