This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
