with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
