his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
