hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
