She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
