dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
