Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
