He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
