Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
