He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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