There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
