i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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