You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
