smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
we should paint friendship bongs
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
