nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
