your thong is hanging out like whoa
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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