george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
