would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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