I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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