i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
