so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
