It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This is classic penis vs brain.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
