He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
