we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
