About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
