When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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