Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
