it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
