now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You should frame my arrest warrant.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
